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So a couple of months have gone by without me blogging. I've been struggling with my emotions (and physical ailments) these past couple of months. Guilt, sadness, pain, exhaustion, resentment, feeling overwhelmed, etc... to which I will address below. The balance between life and physical fitness was getting to be overwhelming for me and had to take a break with my coach. Leading up to that decision were many nights of exhaustion and missing my husband. (This is where some of the guilt lays). Spending every evening with my husband is and has always been wonderful as we enjoy spending time together (however odd it may seem!) and being away from home 4-5 times a week was getting to be too much for me (plus with all the travel time in between).
I've felt extremely guilty for having a "life" of my own (which I know may seem odd for others but not odd for me to say that) and guilty for taking a break from my coach. The fear of disappointment was very strong for both and didn't help my emotions.
Shortly after taking a break with my coach, I went to the dentist to have some dental work done. It was a long and excruciating process to which I could not seem to recover from. I had TMJ. The constant pain and popping of pain killers every 4 hours were really draining. By the time I got home, I would eat quickly, rub my mouth pop pain killers and cry. Thankfully, 2 weeks ago, I went to see my chiropractor (as I figured that ingesting Advil or any other type of pain killer - prescribed or not - every 4 hours every single day for 2 months was not right!) and he adjusted my jaw. I am now feeling much better and have been Advil free for a week! The pain has gone to my foot now (the one I had fractured a while back) - I now have (for the past few weeks) plantar fasciitis. Good gawd! I just want to get better!!!! Seriously!
The lack of exercising and bad eating habits (carbs and soft mushy foods) has taken a toll on me. I'd see my weight go up a bit, and I resented myself for it (to which would induce depression and make me want to eat more. When I did, I'd beat myself up for it. Viscious cycle!)
I jumped on the scale this morning and was happy to see that those extra pounds that I had gained, are slowly coming off as I can now eat healthier (thanks to my chiro!) and although having pain in my foot, have been walking. Next week is my run. It worries me to no end as I just want to be able to please my coach but know that she'll be disappointed in me for not training these past weeks. I can only do my best.
I don't want to make this blog post seem like I am making excuses or to be negative but more so explain where my mindset has been. I may look like a strong person, but at times, am not. This gorgeous weather has been helping my moods and the almost pain free jaw (not foot) is helping as well. Now to get 100% better and get back on track and said goodbye to the blues!!! :)
